she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
