It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
