If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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