I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
