we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
