Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
