Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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