Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I could have mohawked her pubes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
