mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
