he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
