yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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