I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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