I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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