She announced her abortion via fbk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
