and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
