What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
