Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
