my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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