accomplished twins. life is a go
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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