are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
