my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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