you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
