So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
