omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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