you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
