Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
