he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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