Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
