idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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