update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
