i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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