So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
