My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
