I just threw up on my dentist
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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