I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
