Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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