dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were trust falling into bushes
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
