I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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