ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
