I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
