puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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