You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
