It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
