Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
