Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
