Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
