her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
