i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
