3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
