forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And then my night got REAL pukey
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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