Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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