What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
